We Need to Talk About Menopause
Menopause is a major life transition that impacts the majority of the population and yet it is still shrouded in stigma which means people going through it end up struggling alone. It is time we changed that. This post is about the various stages of this transition and why we need to educate ourselves and have open conversations about it.
I remember being in my late teens, having a conversation with my aunt and noticing, she wiped perspiration off her face and fanned herself several times while we were talking. This was a puzzle to me as I hadn't noticed the room being particularly warm and I certainly had not seen her do that before, so I always wondered what that was all about and of course no one ever spoke about it. Fast forward some twenty something years to last year, when I woke up one night feeling suddenly very hot in a bizarre and inexplicable way. This is particularly strange for me because I'm usually cold, even in the summer. Immediately I was thinking: "What fresh hell is this?", because after all I had been through the past few years with my health this was a new weird thing that I did not need. And that's when the proverbial penny dropped; 'this is what was happening for my aunt"!
The next day I did a whole lot of research and realised this was one of the first signs of entering perimenopause. And I was angry that neither my mother nor my aunts nor my grandma had bothered to tell me about this. No one had spoken about it. I don't blame them, because I realised this is yet another example of women's experiences being silenced (in this case by women themselves) because of the stigma attached to anything to do with women's reproductive health or the workings of our bodies. Another example of how we live with and shape ourselves, our actions and our lived experience through the patriarchal lens of our patriarchal society.
I recently met a wise woman, a brilliant-shining-talented person full of life and life experience. I asked her about her menopause experience and she said: "I had a really tough time and I really wish I had someone I could speak to so I could find out more information. I wanted a wise woman to talk to me and be compassionate. I wanted someone to tell me that my path is going to change. Then I would have been able to know it, think about it, research it myself, and plan and come to terms with it".
So, this is why I am writing this blog post, because menopause is a major life transition that affects the majority of the population (yes, women are the majority; 51% to be exact), and we need to talk about it openly, candidly and proudly, for ourselves, for our children, and the next generations to come, so no one need feel unsupported and alone again.
Menopause is a Major Life Transition
Unlike the clinical definition, which marks menopause as the point in time when periods have stopped for twelve consecutive months, the lived experience is a protracted transition that can span a decade or more. This process typically begins in a woman's 40s with perimenopause, lasting anywhere from four to ten years, followed by the clinical marker of menopause, and then postmenopause for the rest of her life. This is clearly a major life transition with the classic hallmarks of the emotional and psychological phases that define every life transition.
Ending: Perimenopause
Perimenopause marks the beginning of the 'Ending' phase, where what was before can no longer be. Depending on the person, the first sign might be irregular periods, night sweats, hot flushes or any of the other symptoms caused by the fluctuating hormone levels that impact many of the regulatory systems in the body such as mood and temperature control. This causes the body itself to feel unpredictable which impacts the sense of self and the relationship with one's own body.
Research shows women in late perimenopause have the highest odds of experiencing depression and anxiety. About 40% experience symptoms including irritability, low energy, tearfulness, and difficulty concentrating, but unlike hormonal patterns they've known before, these come at unpredictable times. People often describe feeling like they're "going mad" or "losing themselves."
With hormone levels and the body changing, it soon becomes apparent that one is not as one once was, and women experience many endings related to identity, physical and mental capacity, reproductive capacity, energy levels, confidence and professional identity.
This phase bears all the hallmarks of the ending phase and it's common to experience grief, resistance to accepting the new reality, anxiety about what comes next, and the profound sense that part of one's identity has been lost.
The Liminal Space: Late Perimenopause through Early Postmenopause
This is the longest and most turbulent phase, potentially lasting several years, where women exist in liminal space, no longer who they were and not yet clear about who they're becoming. The reduction in oestrogen levels still causes sleep difficulties, fatigue, brain fog, memory difficulties and trouble concentrating, which compound the identity confusion. Women describe feeling lost about who they are, questioning their purpose and priorities, experiencing difficulty making decisions, and struggling with persistent self-doubt.
This liminal space is where women are doing deep psychological work of reorganising their internal world whilst navigating the physical symptoms, responding to workplace demands, caring for aging parents and supporting their children. And it's particularly challenging because there's no clear endpoint or clarity about when symptoms will ease or when they'll feel like themselves again—or what "themselves" even means anymore. Yet this is also where the real work happens: where women develop new perspectives, discover hidden strengths, and begin to formulate a new sense of self.
New Beginning: Established Postmenopause
Eventually, and the timeline varies enormously, new beginnings start to emerge. This isn't about symptoms disappearing or the body returning to how it was. Rather, it's about having developed a new internal sense of purpose and identity that incorporates what has happened.
Women in this stage describe renewed clarity about what matters, liberation from caring what others think, increased authenticity and willingness to speak their truth, a different relationship with their bodies based on respect rather than societal ideals, and often a powerful sense of purpose.
Understanding menopause as a psychological transition, rather than simply a medical condition, explains why symptom management alone isn't enough. Women need psychological support, space for identity work, acknowledgment of the losses involved, and recognition that this process takes time and cannot be rushed.
The Women We Cannot Afford to Lose
People navigating menopause are often at the height of their professional power and personal wisdom. They're the senior leaders, the experienced professionals, the institutional memory holders. They're shouldering the majority of caregiving responsibilities whilst maintaining careers. They're running teams, departments, and entire organisations. They're the backbone of our economy and the fabric of our communities, and yet when they are going through the various stages of menopause, our collective lack of understanding and failure to provide sufficient support means that our best and brightest struggle.
In the UK, menopause symptoms can be considered a disability under the Equality Act 2010 when they have a substantial and long-term impact on daily activities. Employment tribunals have increasingly recognised menopause-related discrimination claims, and the Equality and Human Rights Commission has issued guidance emphasising employers' legal duties to support employees experiencing menopause.
Despite this, highly skilled women report missing work, reducing hours, or leaving careers they've built over decades because workplaces fail to provide adequate support needed to navigate this transition whilst still demanding a high level of contribution. A 2023 study of over 2,000 UK working women found that 6% have left work due to lack of support for their menopause symptoms, with a further 17% considering leaving. This is a staggering loss of experienced talent, institutional knowledge, and leadership at precisely the moment when these women have the most to offer. We are losing talent we simply cannot afford to lose.
When women leave their careers everyone loses: the organisation loses talent they have spent many years developing, the team loses the skill and expertise that person contributed, the individual loses their career and their income, and society as a whole loses because unhappy individuals make an unhappy society.
And there is still significant cultural stigma attached to menopause evidenced by the fact that women themselves hardly speak about it and men don't usually want to know. How are women meant to know what to expect if they don't have these conversations with their mothers, grandmothers, older mentors and community leaders? How are women meant to feel supported if their partners, husbands, boyfriends and children don't realise what's happening for them or what their needs are? How can workplaces accommodate women and provide sufficient support if colleagues, male or female, are oblivious to the struggles their peers are experiencing?
We need to get talking about menopause! The reality is that if you are a woman, you will be going through it at some point and if you are a man you will know a woman in your life who will experience it. This is a classic case where knowledge is power. The more we know about the process the more compassion we will have for ourselves and others. And support starts with compassion; just a little understanding that things are rough right now. Then, we can ask the women in our lives, be it family or a colleague, what is happening for them and what we can do to support them.
Some progressive organisations are beginning to recognise this as both a human issue and a business imperative. Supporting employees through menopause is essential for retaining talent, maintaining productivity, and demonstrating values that attract skilled professionals. It's both compassionate and strategically sound.
Creating Space for Individual Experience
No two women have the same experience of menopause. The age it begins, the symptoms experienced, their severity and duration, the emotional response, the impact on daily life - all vary enormously from person to person. And when we reduce menopause to a checklist of symptoms rather than recognising it as a unique, personal transition, we miss the opportunity to truly support people through this significant life passage.
What if we recognised the profundity of the transition that happens with menopause and understood that it deserves thoughtful support, just like any other significant life shift?
This means having conversations and educating ourselves about the process, being compassionate to the women in our lives and asking better questions like: "What's happening for you?" and "What would support you?"
For organisations, this might mean implementing flexible working arrangements, fostering open dialogue that reduces stigma, training managers to support team members through life transitions, or providing access to resources that honour individual needs.
For individuals, having compassion for yourself and to acknowledge that you're navigating something significant, seeking support rather than managing alone, and recognising that how you experience this transition is uniquely yours.
When we break the silence around menopause, we create possibilities: for women to navigate this transition with greater ease and confidence, for organisations to retain valuable talent and create truly inclusive cultures, and for all of us to benefit from a world where natural life transitions are met with care and compassion rather than stigma.
The conversation is beginning.
The question is: how will you be part of it?
References:
Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD). (2023). Menopause in the workplace: Employee experiences in 2023. London: CIPD. Available at: https://www.cipd.org/knowledge/culture/well-being/menopause/
Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC). (2024). Menopause in the workplace: Guidance for employers. London: EHRC. Available at: https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/guidance-employers/menopause-workplace
United Kingdom. (2010). Equality Act 2010. c. 15. London: The Stationery Office Limited. Available at: https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2010/15
We specialise in supporting individuals through life's significant changes. Using Clean Language coaching techniques, we create space for people to access their own inner wisdom and navigate transitions—including menopause—in ways that honour their unique experience and align with their deepest values.
If you're navigating menopause, or if your organisation is interested in supporting employees through this significant change, we'd welcome a conversation about how tailored coaching support might help.